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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in The Fuckers Club: Kenzie is a Man's LiveJournal:

Saturday, May 27th, 2006
3:07 am


(this community needed updating.)
Monday, March 13th, 2006
3:21 am
ok this needs to come out.
I hooked up with a really sketchy guy last night. :(

that is all.
Monday, August 29th, 2005
9:02 pm
If I had just one tear running down your cheek
Maybe I could cope, maybe I'd get some sleep
If I had just one moment at your expense
Maybe all my misery would be well spent

Could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain
I gave, now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me

If your love could be caged, honey, I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed me
And you'd hunt those lies, they'd be all you'd ever find
And that'd be all you'd have to know
For me to be fine

And you'd cry a little
Die just a little
And, baby, I would feel just a little less pain
I gave, now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me

Give it up, baby
I hear you're doing fine
Nothin's gonna save me
'Til I see it in your eyes
Some kind of heartache, honey
Give it a try

I don't want pity
I just want what is mine

Could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain
I gave, now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me

Cry just a little for me
Could you cry a little for me
Monday, July 4th, 2005
12:11 am
i felt like i should update this!

um, i have my period and i'm cramping like a bia!!!!

and um

amy, my little sister, was hanging out with hp this evening and i'm like whaaaaaa?!?!?!?!1?1?11?1?1

ew it's so hot

and the notebook is so sad :( :( :( :(

sad sad sad

scotchy scotch scotch

i want some scotch


goddamn midol is making me crazy


Current Mood: hot
Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
1:12 pm
falling apart at the seams
Ok, so I'm actually not sad or bitchy. just confused. but if you can't come to the fuckers club with emotions, then what the fuck is it for, right? BD, i'm sure you can figure what i'm confused/conflicted about.

I'm expressing myself through song lyrics because I've lost the ability to speak properly through my own wordsCollapse )

Current Mood: confused
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
10:18 am
um apparently simple plan is here at hb today



right now*

yes i do, yes i do YESO I COS!
that's armenian for "yes i do"

but you speak croatian bitch
i'm fluent in armenian

"hobbit-fucker" said jill as she had wild sex with ... whom... who should it be....GANDOLF AND ALBUS. AHAHAHA old me.

i hope not old you


i like old men

and mckellan is sexy so okay COME HERE GANDALF BABY ROWR


maybe if i had a penis he would actually love me

sad :(




and I had gatorade last night :)

and she had it without me and now i'm salty and angry and SHE OWES ME A PROPEL BITCH!!

(i like how this is like multiple personalities. right)

the fuckers club has a disorder!

yay disorders!!!!

amy would be like, trisomy what what???

OMG I KNOW! ahahahah toby. jill's gonna get angry in 0.00007 seconds. yep, this silence has begun. "I'M NOT ANGRY! I'M OVER TOBY!" she says with angsty nazi tears in her eye.


ah the notes of woe

and i only have one eye apparently????


i avoid hanicapped people. if i were jill i would smile like this o) because i would only have one eye.

we are really really retarded today


x-posted to "fuckersclub"


Monday, February 21st, 2005
12:31 am
Okay, I don't have much time but I feel I need to mention this, as the fuckers club definitely covers this.

I'm in love, madly in love.

With two men.

Of course.

Both who don't love me back.

Well one says he does. Let's not go into my twisted relationship with Toby right now. That'd be bad.

But the other.

Gods, he's beautiful. Like, every time I see him my heart melts. He's like a fucking GOD. I wouldn't be surprised if Athena like, makes him look so beautiful just to fool everyone, like she does to Odysseus.

And he's so cool.


I can't help but being in love with him.

He's got a face that looks like it's been fucking carved by the romans (and you know how they make their men look, all feminine yet masculine and beautiful..). He's got the fullest, most kissable lips, and a wonderful smile, and really gorgeous, long-lashed eyes. His hair is dark, and slightly wavy, and is cut into this "emo-shag" thing right now and it looks so good on him. And he's fucking built. He's got the sexiest body ever.

And tonight when he held my hand for that brief second, there was a little bit of a charge. It felt really good, to hold his hand. We get along so well, we'd be a good match, if he'd ever look this way...

But he never will. Never, ever, ever. I'll never stand a chance with him.

So I go back to my hurtful relationship with Toby, seeking solace in someone just because he's there (and perfect for me but not beautiful like a god) and it's making me even more miserable than I was before.

"Agony, oh the torture they teach!
When the one thing you want
Is the one thing that's out of your reach!"

Damn straight, Sondheim.
12:14 am
I... just joined a Grobanites support group. It makes me think about how there are others out there like me... but not really.

I'm trying to think about how to describe my feelings about him in words...

When I hear his voice, my heart seriously jumps, and I feel the way you do when you're at the top of a rollercoaster hill and falling down. Sometimes I cry, but I always smile. I love watching him, or just looking at his picture, and before I met him... I wasn't even sure if he really existed. I mean, I knew he was real, but then again he just seemed too perfect. When I saw him in concert for the first time, I was so far away that he was just a fuzzy speck, but he still made me hold my breath for an entire minute before I realized what had happened.

Seeing him this Valentine's day... being that close to him and realizing that not only was he real... but he was just as he was in my dreams was like... I don't even know. He is just as funny, and sweet, and wonderful in person as he was in my head... and it was beautiful in that tragic kind of way. I feel like I know him... and like we're old friends. I feel like I should be able to call him on the phone and ask him over for lunch. I feel like I should be able to stress about loving him, but him not having a clue.

Why do I love him? I love him because he's me... only better. He loves charity work in Africa, music, and people. He's kind of a nerd, and says really awkward and random things. But he's also beautiful, and talented and just... Josh.

I know it's sad. I know it's pathetic. I know it's even unhealthy. The fact that I'm more in love with him than I could have ever imagined being in love with anyone... is just not right. But I can't help it. I feel like we're soulmates... like... he has to marry someone, and I might as well be that girl.

I look at his pictures and I even dream about our life together. Not even just sexual things... or the wedding... but being together. Living in a house, and comfortably having breakfast. Not even talking... maybe reading the paper or doing something else, but just being so close in the moment without words, or touches. All encompassing, unconditional closeness. I want to know what it's like to see him walk up the stairs at night and know that when you follow and enter the bedroom you'll find him asleep in your bed. Hearing the door open, and waiting for the hello kiss. The quick kiss before he goes onstage, and watching with pride as thousands of fans cheer and obsess about your husband... and knowing that among all those people... he picked you. And not caring that he can sing like an angel, or that he's famous, or has a lot of money. Just caring and you... and him... and us.

That's what I want. And there are SO many other people out there that wish the same thing everynight when they crawl into their beds alone.

That's what I can't have.
Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
10:26 pm
ok sometimes he makes me smile
Wir Sterben: So, tell me what you would think would happen, realistically, if I were to walk into your house tomorrow afternoon when you got home from school?
inept werewolf: Would you get there after me or before me? Haha.
inept werewolf: Either way, I'd probably stand there in a bit of a disbelieving stupor for a moment while my dogs go crazy.
Wir Sterben: Say you were on the comp.
Wir Sterben: And I just walked into the room with a dozen flowers.
inept werewolf: I'd probably weep with joy, in all honesty. Hahaha.
inept werewolf: I'd probably just turn around, freeze, get up from the chair slowly, and hug you really tightly. Then I would say hi, probably meekly because I am really rather shy.
Wir Sterben: Haha.
inept werewolf: What would you do, if I just randomly showed up at your door? Haha.
Wir Sterben: Put some clothes on.
Wir Sterben: THen invite you in, and be like "Wow."
Wir Sterben: And sit and talk for a while.
inept werewolf: yeah. I would you know, be the courteous host, offer you a drink, something to eat, and probably take you into the family room to chat. Haha.
Wir Sterben: And then as evening fell?
inept werewolf: Maybe go to a nice restaurant at Legacy Village (if I feel super-snobby haha), or something, and then come back, watch a movie in the basement over some topnotch wine, etc... What would you do? Hehe.
Wir Sterben: Well, hop in the Acura and take you to Mario's or somewhere nice probably in Exton..
Wir Sterben: Take you to the mall to hang out for a bit, then maybe a movie, then come back and hang and chill or whatever.
Wir Sterben: And as night fell?
inept werewolf: Well, sometime I'd show you the George/Angela version of Sweeney, lmao. But I'd set up the pull-out bed for you in the basement, try to fix the TV to actually work as a TV if you wanted to watch it, but we'd probably just sit and talk for awhile. I'd put on some good music, Phantom if you wanted, and we'd just get to know each other more. And, providing my parents aren't home, I'd sleep down there with you, and whatever that might entail. ;-) If they are, I'd just wait a little while and come back down anyway to spend more time with you. You?
Wir Sterben: Hmm, probably get changed into what I usually wear to sleep in, plus a robe. Means I'd be wearing a robe. Let you get changed, then probably put on the black light and some ambient drums & bass on my stereo, and just sit in my room and talk for a good long time, either until we fell asleep, or we got too riled up to contain ourselves.
inept werewolf: Hahaha. Yeah, I usually end up sleeping naked, or just in underwear. Haha.
Wir Sterben: Is that what you'd sleep in here?
inept werewolf: I'd probably start out just wearing a nightshirt like I usually do, but I tend to get really hot when I sleep in clothing, so it'll probably come off.
Wir Sterben: Awesome. Can't wait.
inept werewolf: Hahahaha.
inept werewolf: I'd probably be a little self-conscious being naked for the first time around you, simply because well... I'm really very shy. Probably too shy to initiate much, at first. Heh.
Wir Sterben: Haha.
Wir Sterben: I'm totally not shy about that kind of thing.
inept werewolf: That's good, you can make up for how shy I am. Maybe I'll end up being more confident than I think, but probably not. Haha.
Wir Sterben: I'd probably just kiss you like mad.
Wir Sterben: And then w/e ya know
inept werewolf: Yeah, I would kiss you, and kiss you, and kiss you, and etc. And then w/e, right. Haha.
Wir Sterben: Pull your shirt up.
Wir Sterben: Haha
Wir Sterben: I would, I mean
inept werewolf: Haha, your ear, right? Is your weak spot?
Wir Sterben: ..Yeh.
inept werewolf: Good to know, good to know. Haha.
inept werewolf: Mine is... my neck. Definitely. Well, from what I've had. Haha. Maybe there are others I don't know about!
Wir Sterben: What have you had?
inept werewolf: Not much. Only with Theo. And the most there, was my neck. And that wasn't even real kissing, haha.
Wir Sterben: But you guys did uh..
inept werewolf: Really, barely anything. He didn't touch me, not even my breasts. I'm completely untouched but by my own hands.
Wir Sterben: But you touched him!
inept werewolf: Only that once. And I regret every moment of it :-( :-(
Wir Sterben: Mm.
inept werewolf: I was young and a bit stupid. Heh. But I really have virtually -no- experience. I live vicariously through others, haha. And I daydream. But that's it.
Wir Sterben: We'll see what we can do.
inept werewolf: What do you mean?
Wir Sterben: With you!
inept werewolf: Oh. That's what I thought. Yes.
inept werewolf: Haha, if you spent only one night with me, what would you have us do?
Wir Sterben: Stuff you havn't heard of yet.
inept werewolf: Oh???
Wir Sterben: Haha.
Wir Sterben: Yeap.
inept werewolf: I can only imagine... Hahahaha.
Wir Sterben: Haha.
Wir Sterben: Boobs
Wir Sterben: In the SCREEN
Wir Sterben: Haha.
inept werewolf: They're heavy. Hold them for me!
Wir Sterben: Ok!
inept werewolf: Hahaha... another thing I'd do in the evening. Slow dance with you. Just pop on some music and slow dance. Because I've never slow danced with anyone before.
Wir Sterben: Haha.
inept werewolf: Maybe run my fingers through your hair, smile up at you, stand up on my tiptoes to kiss you... haha.

and then he went afk

presumably because his ex came back from away

i think he's salty at her

because his away message is "I'm anti-you."

Monday, January 31st, 2005
7:58 pm
why men are such fuckwads
ok I don't really have a dress yet but I said I did for more guilt-tripping.

inept werewolf: Hi. Is Furc working for you? ???
Wir Sterben: Yeah.
Wir Sterben: Why were you crying?
Wir Sterben: Oh wait no it's not.
inept werewolf: I dunno. I've been crazy-depressed lately, partially due to the nature of the play I'm in, partially because... I don't even know. I was just thinking about prom and how like, it wouldn't even be worth it to go with some random guy friend, hah. I dunno.
Wir Sterben: Ah.
inept werewolf: So, like... I probably won't even go.
Wir Sterben: :-(
inept werewolf: It really would mean the entire world to me if you would go, you know. :-(
Wir Sterben: I can try my hardest.
Wir Sterben: But the time it is being held makes it near impossible.
Wir Sterben: If it were June, I'd most definately.
Wir Sterben: go.
inept werewolf: Yeah. I mean, if transportation's an issue I could arrange things... but... yeah. My school's such a piece of shit. :'(
Wir Sterben: Transportation may have been, but I have a weird schedule.
Wir Sterben: And I simply can't get away for even a weekend in April.
inept werewolf: I see. Best return the dress, then. Haha.
Wir Sterben: :-(
Wir Sterben: There's no cahnce it'll get pushed back?
inept werewolf: No... I don't know why it's so damn early this year, but they won't change the date.
Wir Sterben: Ok, what is the date?
inept werewolf: Let me go make sure what I'm thinking is correct.
inept werewolf: Yeah, April 9. ):
Wir Sterben: I'll look into it and see what I can do :-(
inept werewolf: Ok. (: Because you did tell me last year you'd take me to my senior prom and it would make me so insanely happy and yeah, the dress looks really good on me. Hahaha.

he probably won't come out, still, but this is a step ahead of where we were.
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